My wife (the silly woman) has joined a charity which encourages its members to have the local poor round for meals. So anyway, it’s our turn tomorrow and I was just wondering about a few things to do with these peasants. Will they need cutlery for instance? Do they need to be sat at the banqueting table or would they prefer to ’slob’ in front of the television. I just don’t know what’s expected of me from these guttersnipes. I shan’t be opening my wine cellar for them.
Any advice from you common people?
Ask your butler to contact an establishment described as a "Pizza takeaway" They will deliver a selection of examples of Italian peasant bread which is surprisingly popular with the English lower classes. He may also be able to contact an organisation known as "Tesco home delivery". This is not a midwifery service, but they will deliver large quantities of a beverage called "Stella". Allow one Pizza and eight cans of Stella per peasant and they will be forever in your debt.
Sep
01
Filed under: Entertaining Tips
If you are serious, you are a snob, but I would pretty much assume that since the poor are people, they pretty much don’t eat raw meat straight off the bone, but instead eat soup with a spoon, chicken with a fork, and drink out of a cup
how about serving something healthy and filling like chicken noodle soup with bread and a dessert
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Google: The French Revolution.
They certainly new how to entertain the peasants back then.
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You should really watch what you say and do to others.
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Ah yes. Your struggle is felt deeply by every one of us.
Pray sit down so I may tell you.
These ruffians are usually alcoholics who deserve nothing more than a sandwich. They will take advantage of your philanthropic countenance and try to take your silver ornaments and what not. Methinks that you SHOULD lead them up to your wine cellar, show them your finest wines while cunningly affixing them to a pole with handcuffs. Once you drug them sufficiently, they will be subdued and succumb to the pleasures of gentle sleep. At this point, you must take them to your other cellar and make them do menial tasks for you, such as sewing garments for sale to the public. You can make quite a hefty profit out of this. That is what I did when MY wife brought such peasants to my abode.
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Ask your butler to contact an establishment described as a "Pizza takeaway" They will deliver a selection of examples of Italian peasant bread which is surprisingly popular with the English lower classes. He may also be able to contact an organisation known as "Tesco home delivery". This is not a midwifery service, but they will deliver large quantities of a beverage called "Stella". Allow one Pizza and eight cans of Stella per peasant and they will be forever in your debt.
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I don’t know what has got into your wife Sir B, maybe she wants a good rogering?
As for the poor people, you need not waste your pheasants and grouse on them, they will be happy with a nice smile from yourself and some bread and dripping. For those members of the lower orders who will whinge on about inequalities, give them some scrag end as a treat, they will shut up then. I would hose them down as they come in the door, they are strangers to soap and water.
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" banqueting" ? Just tell them you are too ignorant to entertain anyone.
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lol ahahahahaha this is so funny.
You shld be a comedian. Im serious
A good old fish and chips or roast dinner, chinese will do. Or perhaps ”LORD’ you can provide them with your finest of cutlery to show you much you appreciate their ‘commoness.’
Dont forget Sir Lord, to Lock up your expensive goods too!
Sure you love the sarcasism… Invite me over and show me how you get down with your posh-ness. Perhaps I can teach you a think or too in commoness :-p
oh… there goes my spelling…. well I am common…
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WHO ARE YOU CALLING A GUTTERSNIPE? YOURSELF? first you call your wife a silly woman.. guttersnipe.. then you called the poor peasants you guttersnipe.. some people prefer to be poor than hurt people to make a good paycheck by hurting people.. for alotta money…. no they will eat with their feet you guttersnipe of course they need cutlery.. why shouldnt they sit at a banqueting table GOD HAS A BANQUETING TABLE AND WERE ALL EQUAL IN HIS SIGHT WERE ALL GODS CHILDREN.. i take it he never ever watch tv sets? thank GOD you wont open your wine celler for them they dont need alcohol like you .. you are probably an alcoholic snob.. sniff your shit the next time you go to the toliet creep… nothings expected from you from those people and who isnt a guttersnipe anyhow GOD IS A GUTTER SNIPE… WHY DONT YOU GO AWAY YOU CREEP..I for one am not a common person .. i come from a very good back ground thank you and its none of your haughty business anyhow….. but i wont put on any airs.. i could sit in your little pathetic dinner and you would think i was a peasant on the bottom of the titanic cause you know nothing about me and its none of your business fool….excuse everyone for living.. we cant all have the same exact life idiot.. but were all human beings with feelings… you are an asshole..
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You shouldn’t waste you time with anything other then disposable cutlery and there likely to be unbathed, vile, and distastefull. So, I would recomend using those fold-up chairs for seating or something that the grounds keeper could throw in the shed later.
Also, I would encourage you to engage in conversation with them. You may find it interesting or at least entertaining. It would most diffenetly be something to talk about with your friends over brandy later.
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Can of beans at the curb, anything more and they are likely to return. I for one find dining with that sort rather boorish and vulgar,the silly woman need to be educated.
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ahem Sir B, i will not take offence because we both are aware that I am indeed slightly more blue of blood and inbred than you, and my staunch opinions reflect this. That being said, I would tell you to serve offal and onions in copious quantities, with shop bought bread, usually sliced and served with ‘butter’ from plastic containers. Tea is supped from ‘mugs’ negating the need for a teapot. and for ‘afters’ angel delight and tinned fruit. they do have tables, but not ancient relics from which we dine, flat pack from ikea or argos. just watch they do not blow their noses on the linen, and count the cutlery.
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Once again sir i am amazed by your charity towards these most undeserving yokels. Being so overwhelmed with emotion at your generosity,may i boldly suggest depriving your beloved pigs of their feeding troughs for one evening only. Though causing a little discomfort to your porkies,these unsavoury and unwelcome swine you are entertaining,will find these vessels most accommodating. as for the wine you most gracious benefactor,simply decant the contents of the men’s urinal to bottles,which will of course be greedily consumed with relish. This hopefully will end your horrific ordeal,and those selfish bas***ds with a dose of dysentery.
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Common Grumpy old Grandpa.
Since the writing style, mannerisms, attitude, and words you use are of the uneducated I’d be afraid to answer your question about the poor for fear I’d embarrass you. But since your profile says you consider yourself an outcast, I’ll respond. I see you use the word "shan’t" so I suspect you’re from Europe. Why not let your wife go alone.
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To speak the truth, I’d say they’d rather just ’slob’ in front of the telly. Peasants are simple-minded folks, so keep that in mind.
On another note, I hope my English is getting better to read!
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oh okay go with me for a minute!
you step out of the house and some gental men are walking up in nice suits and a sharp car.
you receive them properly you all sit on the kitchen table as the men tell you this
"sir i’m sorry to tell you this but the money you thought you had has been collected by the IRS (or goverment) we are holding you under an made up audit that will make you broke as the poor. "
JUST GO WITH IT FOR A MINUTE
your shocked scrammbinlg trying to find out why and how you can get it back.
the men finish we are going to ask you to grab a few pairs of clothing and ask you to leave the house as it’s not yourse any more
Okay i know the thing i typed isn’t 100% realistic but go with it pretend it is.
how do you want to eat your food now you don’t have all the stuff you once had and yoru broke.
so someone offers you to eat.. how do you want to be treated?
i put this in the persecpteive of you having to pick what you would want for yourself as you seem very selfish and in considerate. so i had to show you by selfish ways.
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to bad you couldn’t turn some of your richey ways into some sort of smarts ey!!